girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
