so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
