She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Damn victory sex feels great
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