im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
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