I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
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Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
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