Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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