Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Randomize
