I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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