definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.