My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out