Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
