What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
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I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
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Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.