is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?