When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.