Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Randomize
