Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
