This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
there is puke in my bra ... again
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
