i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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