Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Randomize
