Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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