Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
