the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
