Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
