The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
