She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
