I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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