Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
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I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
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And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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