he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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