I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
