As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
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