Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
