Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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