Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
