Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
