When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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