I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
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You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
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I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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