May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
