You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
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You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
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But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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