I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
