the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
