i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
