Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
