sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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