My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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