how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
