He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Randomize
