I will die if light touches me.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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