Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
