i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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