when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
We don't watch enough power rangers
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
