There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
