Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
