some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize