i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
