My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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