I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
