Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
