Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
