He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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