You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
