i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
