They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
