How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
