Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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