I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
