Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
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