the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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