Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
