My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
