I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
He felt like a one man threesome
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I just want to make out with him forever
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
