I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
