Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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