I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
