i already hear my dad disowning me
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
