Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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