He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
