How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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