How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
